Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Forever Free - Conclusion


CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY


"Dark Days" by Susan Schanerman
The physical challenges crept up on me so gradually that … All I know is that my energy, ability to walk and be active has progressively diminished … especially since 2006, when I left FL. and moved to GA.

Part of the problem is that in this state everything … everywhere … is on an incline or decline … Florida was so flat that it could bore you to tears … but it was much easier for me to navigate.

I’ve also not really established a circle or community of friends here and I’m here 7 years already!!

I don’t seem to do very much and yet everything feels like a huge effort.

I sobbed thru the entire video about Steve Gleason (remember … that’s where we started.) I don’t know whether I was empathizing with him or it was stirring up my own suppressed pain … or maybe both.

Yes, I’ve had more than my ‘fair share’ of limitation in my life but nothing I’ve experienced could possibly come close to the devastation this man has to live with.

As a brief aside … Don’t you think it’s wildly ironic that this story is so much like that of Christopher Reeve … but even worse. Steve Gleason wasn’t Superman but he was a football star … and now is unable to move … or speak.

But his spirit continues to shine through … intensely, I might add …

I can relate … in my own way … I know what it feels like to have a vibrant, creative, mind in a body that is severely damaged ... maybe not quite “Imprisoned” like Gleason … maybe more like Limited … or Held-Back …

But back to where I began when I started writing the other day, relatively speaking … my problems pale in comparison to Steve Gleason’s …

A caveat is necessary here … I have to be careful … It’s always been my tendency to invalidate my challenges (which are many and very real) and my feelings when I compare …

Now there’s the culprit right there … Comparison … My life and my challenges are and have been severe … and have been with me for about as far back as I can remember …

But they are mine … NOT to be compared with anyone else's. And my feelings about them are valid …

Steve Gleason’s story made me feel very sad … and obviously inspired me to the point where I’ve been compelled to sit down and write this personal expose …

Everyone has their story … their personal tragedies … triumphs … things they need to accept as “just the way they are ” … but then again we all have the ability to summon the “courage to change the things we can” …

It’s only my ego that wants me to either feel sorry for myself or inflated to the point where my problems have to be far worse than anyone else's.

When we can finally reach the point where we Quiet Our Minds … Surrender and Let Go … I think then and only then can we truly be Forever Free …



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